I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
