I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
