I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
