we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
