just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
