I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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