You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
