another moral hangover. fuck.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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