this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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