If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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