Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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