Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
