I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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