It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
