the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
