yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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