She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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