I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
