I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
