I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
