the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
