Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
