My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
