someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
