I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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