But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
