come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
