Plan B is the new Plan A
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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