ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
