remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
