dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
