You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
