this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
