was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
