were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
