the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
