You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
