peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
