I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
