I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
