you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
