Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
