to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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