You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
