This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
