So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
