My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
