I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
