So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
