garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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