Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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