Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
