i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
